Financial Abuse in Marriage

Archives - Financial Abuse in Marriage

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In Anna Quindlen's gripping novel "Black and Blue", a woman tries to leave from her abusive husband who is a policeman. She lives in terror that he will find her with the same tools he uses to pursue criminals.

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The case of Drew Peterson, a policeman in Bollingbrook, Illinois, is still under investigation in the disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy. His third wife, whose body was dug up for additional testing, showed signs of homicide. Relatives tell police that the husband abused the women. Peterson claims he loves Stacy and wants her to come home. Authorities have never placed Stacy's body. No one has heard from her.

One of the earliest signs of hereafter abusive behavior is financial control. A husband controls the purse strings, refusing to share financial facts with his wife but expecting that she list for every option and every penny spent.

Many women suffer in silence, telling themselves that their husband's controlling behavior is a personality quirk.They may still have way to joint finances, reasonable mobility and buying choices. They are frustrated by their husband's attitude and behavior, but they don't live with a gnawing sense of fear.

Financial abuse is different.

It is behavior designed to separate a woman into a state of faultless financial dependence. The most prominent thing to remember about financial abuse is that the abuser is not out of control. He can, at the drop of a hat, change his behavior to suit the group circumstances. He can be charming and persuasive, but his objective is to separate his partner and make her dependence on him total.He is development a decision to control his partner's life by eliminating her capability to make choices, have way to money and be able to get around.

Financial abuse can often lead to corporal abuse as well. It happens within all age ranges, educational levels, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The rich socialite who lives in the largest house in the best neighborhood is as likely to be a victim of financial abuse as the poorest wife in the toughest section of town.

Where do you draw the line?

You may know man whom you infer is being financially abused and feel helpless. After her husband went on a corporal rampage during an discussion about money, a local socialite was rushed to the hospital with many fractures. He is the Ceo of one of the country's largest financial institutions.

After a brief mention in the local newspaper, the story disappeared from all police reports and press archives. This incident is not unique; it happens more often than we realize.

On the other hand, you may not know that your neighbor, acquaintance or friend is a financial hostage because she won't tell you. You may know her husband, and never infer a thing. He's not out of control or under the work on of drugs or alcohol. We might label his behavior difficult, eccentric or unpleasant, but we don't intervene

The thing to remember about financial abuse is that it functions on a continuum of emotional, verbal and finally corporal abuse. The abuser's objective is control.

Signs of Financial Abuse

Controlling the finances.

Withholding money or credit cards.

Giving you an allowance.

Making you list for every penny you spend.

Stealing from you or taking your money.

Exploiting your assets for personal gain.

Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).

Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.

Sabotaging your job (making you miss work or calling constantly, etc.)

If something about your connection with your husband or partner scares you and you need to talk, you can get help by contacting the following:

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-Safe (7233) or go to nrcdv.org.

feminist.org/911/crisis.html - This website lists the numbers and locations of domestic violence hotlines for the 50 states.

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